5 years

It's been 5 years (+1 day) since I started this blog. Time flew by. And the fact that I'm writing right now only means that, at least for this day, not a single fucking thing has changed. I still can't do shit on new year's eve and again I feel shitty and lame enough to write a post.

I hate new year's eve. I really fucking do. Every year, for no particular reason, I feel like hell and I want to do something, but I feel to cranky to enjoy anything.

My family, including my brother (whom with I still live in the same house), is gathered in a city that's a two hour car drive away from where I am. My parents are antisocialites and go to sleep around 00:30. The rest of my family is ehm, not on the same page as I am, so to me they are boring or lame.

I can't go to my friends, because my parents don't find that appropriate. I can't go to parties -including public/open air celebrations- either, cause that's dangerous and also inappropriate.

So, I sit in my room, at my computer, just like I do every other night. Only now, no one is online and I only get to see posts and pics about new year.

And when I think '2011' nothing special comes to mind

It makes me feel like a pathetic, lonely shit.

The year I started skateboarding.
The year I got my first job.
The year I started studying.
The year my confidence had a major peak.
The year I realized I'll never not be depressed completely.
The year I knew I'll never -really- fit in. Anywhere.
The year I didn't cave when it came to crushes.
The year I realized I wasn't as strong as I thought I was and I have to work on that.
The year I figured out my passions.